Unexpected Reminders

And so many little things have happened over the last few months.  Many unexpected triggers that cause a rush of emotion - be it happiness, nostalgia, sadness.  All endless.

Today, I was at my children school, watching the Easter Hat parade, that my 7 year old was to be in.  The Kindergarten kids came out first, and the first thing I thought of, again unexpectedly, was that Josh would've been in Kindy... 

He shouldv'e been there today, parading around in his decorated ice-cream container.

I wondered what class he would've been in.

He would've loved school.

All endless.  Fleeting anger, but more resigned.

No tissues handy, but I had a scarf to surreptitiously wipe away the tears...

As Year 2 came out though, I watched my other son with pride, and thankful I was able to be there for him.

To write or not to write?

That is the question.

I haven't written for a while for a number of reasons.   Its not that I haven't wanted to; more to do with being pulled in different directions in knowing whether I could and should...  I can only say that certain people haven't wanted me to write about Josh, and our life, and while I can understand that to a point, I feel I write - even more so now - from my perspective, while respecting others by not slandering or casting them in a bad light, etc.  Even from a legal viewpoint, as long as I maintain this, and consider my children's best interests, I try to highlight the good and bad, the stuff that comes from an event happen such as ours.  Its about raising awareness, not laying blame.