Joshy's Things

Since Joshy's gathering, I guess I've been kind of numb, or rather, even more so than in the last 17 months.  I'm positive there is an invisible wall up in front of me guarding me emotionally; Ive never been one to go from one extreme to another such as having periods where I am deliriously happy or depressingly sad, but I notice I'm at a fairly constant emotional state more than ever right now.  So, I do laugh, and I do cry, but whatever emotional place I'm in, it doesn't stay that way long. I go straight back to the straight line; neither really happy or really sad.

There is no hurry to clear Joshy's things; I know that. Some things Ive been fine to deal with, like strangely, Jojo's clothes; they're gone or sorted.  The car seat was removed from my car and given back to The Samuel Morris Foundation on the day of Joshy's service, and the shower chair and standing frame were returned the the rehab department at the hospital last week. But! His vitamins are still up in the cupboard, where I would bring them down of a night.  The suction machine and nebuliser are in exactly the same place as they were.  Joshy and Kane shared their room and I haven't been able to go in and spend any length of time in there.  A couple of large wall decals have fallen off, but I haven't picked them up.  All Kanes toys are still strewn all over the floor.  Theres a pile of Kane's washing that Ive left on the floor because I haven't wanted to sort it into the drawers...

Tomorrow however, I will have to do it.  Last weekend the kids and I chose and ordered some new bedroom furniture (for Kayla and Kane) and I need to make room for it to be delivered.  And also the company who actually owns the bed Josh used are coming tomorrow...