Melancholy

Don't most of us have a regular butcher, and have chats about life in general while choosing your steaks or chicken? Bit like your hairdresser, where you tell them your whole life story, except you see the butcher more regularly! I saw my usual butcher yesterday for the first time in more than 4 months. "Haven't seen you around for a while" he says to me. "No, bit busy". "Yeh, I guess, with your family. How are all the kids?". Hmmm, well, actually... I give him the brief version of events. "Ah! Lemme give you some eggs love. For the little bloke".

I have been a bit sad though over the last couple of days... I'm always remembering what I called "Jojo-isms"; things that Josh used to do or say, but they seem to affect me more at the moment. My cold has been lingering, so I bought some Multivitamins from the Health Store, and something called Astra 8 Immune Tonic. Fingers crossed that I feel better soon. I also bought some Manuka Honey for all of us. This site explains some of the benefits of taking it orally (good for sore throats for example), or applying topically (like cuts, abrasions and pressure sores).

I have visions of Josh when we went out to dinner at the Lone Star on the Gold Coast. He had his own menu, and he was having a great time looking at everything on it. When I asked him what he wanted, he said, in his cute Jojo way, "I want all-a-dem", while sweeping his hand across the menu to indicate the same.

We all tell our kids we love them... I would say, "Jojo, mummy loves you", and he'd put on his Jojo face (arms crossed, head down while looking up at me through furrowed brows), and he'd say "No! Daddy does not you!" I'd pretend to sulk and say "But I do!" and then he'd smile and say "You love me widdle bit". I'd say ""I love you a little bit a lot! And he'd say "okay" and we'd hug.

Josh in the car, with his sunnies on, singing our favourite song at the top of our voices! (I briefly mentioned it here). It's called Corner of the Sky from the musical Pippin. Lisa Crouch mixed the song with Up, Up and Away, and it was ours! I haven't been able to play it in the car since. I'd love for you to hear it, but there isn't a version on the 'net.

Josh loved his food, especially sauces and condiments. He'd quite happily dip a hot chip and lettuce in tartare sauce and tomato sauce and think it delish! He'd drink the remainder of the chicken gravy after a roast dinner, seated under the table, drinking from the jug. In fact, he'd often go around to everyone's plate after they'd left the table, and pick what he wanted off them.

He had recently started biting his nails, and sometimes even bring his toe up to his mouth! Eww! I'd tell him to stop, and he'd say "But I haf to!"

Josh would want a snack or treat from our pantry and if I said no, he comically sneak over to it anyway. Id tell him not to open the doors, and he'd say in a sing song voice, with a huge grin, "I'm doing it! I'm doing it!"

For a long while, Josh would say "Can I wash Shamalanga?" And for it took me a bit to work out he meant "Can I watch Shark Boy and Lava Girl"?

We went to Surfers Paradise for 10 days back in January, and the rear of our apartment shared a huge fenced and grassed area that overlooked the beach. On the fence were 3 signs, that all said the same thing, which Josh must of noticed because he asked me "Mum, what does that sign say?". I told him it said "Don't feed the birds". He slapped one hand in to the other for punctuation, while saying "Don't feed the birds. Don't feed the birds. Don't feed the birds" and then put his hands out, palms up in a kind of shrug, and said "How funny's that?"

Sometimes, when I'd tell Josh he couldn't do something, like (for example) watch another DVD, he'd fall in a heap to the fall and/or simply say, "oh! That dick-a-less!". Translation? "That's ridiculous!" :-)

Of course there are so many things. I actually am not ready to remember them all right now. I cant look through the photos or home videos yet. I know though that while I can remember them (eventually), I can create new, good memories. But it's really tough.

My baby was still awake last night at 11.30, after we'd watched "Marley and Me". When everyone else had gone to bed, I held Josh on my lap, and we had a cuddle.

And he fell asleep. :-)

Today, Josh and I met my Nan, Uncle and 2 brothers at Pinegrove Cemetery. On Tuesday it will be a year since my pop passed. I remembered this picture, of my Pops beautiful big hands, and Kane's 2 week old hands (taken 18 April 2004). Its one of my favourite photos.

Tonight, I again held Josh and he went to sleep.